time-resolved definition of a girlfren/boyfren
dear all! now is time for the act-pro love advisor to explain some thwarted thesis. today’s i am gonna investigate on the validity of the statement : is there a time-resolved definition of an ideal girlfren/boyfren.
I appears to me that ppl’s definition of a girlfren and/or a boyfrend changes with time. yes. and it is pretty scary how drastic that change may be. what is meant by time-resolved definition of ideal gf/bf?
that means if u ask ah beng ‘hey bengs, wad’s the definition of a girlfren??’
ah beng, being in his teens, may say ‘’someone who can make u feel butterflies in ur stomach. when u see her, ur heart thumps faster and faster and u feel very excited. u cant take ur eyes off her. when she’s off sight, u think of her every moment, and u feel so blessed when u are with her. and,she’s most likely a girl with big eyes, hot & slim bod, frank personality, shows positivity and is confident.
then, u nod ur head and say ‘wow, that;s love, that’s the definition of a girlfren.
so time passed, and when u meet up with ah beng probably 2 yrs down the road, u ask him the same old donkey grandma question. whats the definition of an ideal girlfren?
probably he would reply ‘’someone who’s bold, dare to pursue her dreams, independent, and lives her life with lots of hope. someone my parents would be happy to see. someone who has good EQ, and has great personality. probably, someone who is able to talk non-stop and make u happy. someone who is sticky, and able to give me my freedom at the same time
and once again, u nodded ur head, and said well well, i seee..
but time passed, and down the road, ah beng repeated the cycle of being together with some1, breaking up with some1, and this continues.
5 years down the road, he may say ‘hmm, i think, a girlfren must be one who is able to listen to all my worries, make me happy when i m sad, talk to me when i m bored, need not be confident, need not be ambitious nor have dreams, so as long as she is soft, demure and weak, that’s my girl. thats an ideal girlfren. someone who is always there for me.
then, another 2 years go down the road, and u asked him this grandmother question again.
this time, his reply was short, swift and ’sweet’. he most likely would say ‘a girlfren is an eternal companion. being together means companionship. partnership.
as u can see, there’s a time-resolved definition of an ideal girlfren. people constantly change their views on what’s hot and what’s not.
so, before u jump into any other possible, reasonably foreseeable relationships, always do an extrapolation to see from his previous experiences, to know how he feels, and do a market analysis to predict his next expectation of his girlfren. if u are unable to make the cut, then forget it. it is unlikely to work.
that’s my view of cos, and it is not always applicable cos i was brought up in a broken family :) well well.. why am i saying all these?
being attached, i really hope that my relationship would last and stretch till eternity. however, i have eversince realised the relative impossibility of having a relationship that stretches for so long. after some time, he realised that i am no longer the qianru he used to know.. he told me he missed waiting for me at the bus stop where i would alight, holding my favourite green hockey stick. he told me that he missed my stinky vjc pe tee shirt.
in the past, i used to be very sporty, taking up sports like judo and hockey. and i often swam. i had shoulder-length hair, was tanned, and did not look like who i am now. sluggy, artificial, and plain disgusting. althou after i changed, i also had more ppl saying that i am pretty, that’s beside the point.
right now, i haf deviated so much from who i was initially that i am at a loss whr do i start changing myself to mould myself back to who i was before. the girl who always wore tee shirts and jeans, had a short pony tail, makeup-less, smely with perspiration and more passionate about everything and anything. the girl whom ppl did not notice, not even a glance. the girl who always tried her best.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Very well said. I was once like your bf hoping that everything would just stay still for us. It was so sweet and pure then but the sad truth is that we just have to realise things aint that simple as we’re growing older.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Yr this post holds alot of meaning for me. I can see myself as the higher-class “Ah-beng” inside your story. Even though I’ve never had a gf before, I believe I belong to the 2nd stage where my ideal girl is :
“someone who’s bold, dare to pursue her dreams, independent, and lives her life with lots of hope. someone my parents would be happy to see. someone who has good EQ, and has great personality. probably, someone who is able to talk non-stop and make u happy. someone who is sticky, and able to give me my freedom at the same time.”
You totally hit the nail on the spot.
For me, in my mind, there’s a little person asking me the same old donkey grandma question, “What’s the definition of an ideal girlfriend?”. So I’m sort of role-playing with myself and pretending that if I were in a relationship, “What would my ideal girlfriend be like?”.
As they always say, “Change is the only constant.” There’s no point changing yourself back to who you were. I always emphasize that you should be comfortable being who you are right now, not what others want you to be.
When I was younger, I used to be introverted, shy, and kind of anti-social. I told myself that I needed to be more outgoing, optimistic and happy-go-lucky. Hopefully, I’ve successfully made this transition. But I’ve never looked back on my old introverted self anymore, cos that wasn’t what I wanted to be.
If you change, your bf would change along with you. That doesn’t mean you’re still not meant for each other. That doesn’t mean you’re not the perfect couple. In the end, it’s who you both are comfortable with… And, that is with each other.
Cheers,
Wei Li
P.S. Long time no see! Hope to catch up with you some time soon before the exams come along!
October 11th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
hahha hmmm , kwang, i agree with you that things can never be the same as before. a quote from my fren “no one gets to live life backwards”. as much as we would want to go back to the past, there is no such powerful machine for this to be realizable at all. so we can only look forward.
i hope my bf can embrace the change that he sees in me. i am also trying very very hard to accept the changed him. its really tough. cos nan2 mian3 will compare w years ago, when i jus got to know him.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
hey wei li, thank you for your positive encouragement! aniway, do not worry, u are very sociable and good quality! im sure u will definitely get urself a good girlfren. some1 who fulfills all the above characteristics that i have listed. actually, i feel that thr is no right or wrong definition of an ideal girlfren. so as long as one’s definition of an ideal girlfren do not change that frequently, it will be good
some guys always find themselves in and out of relationship because their definition, and wht they look out for keeps changing. that induces unnecessary change, and hurt to the girl(s).
i will try my best to love myself (cos i simply hate the qianru now ;SS )!!
i always feel that for a person to be of good character, he or she must first love himself or herself. only then will he or she be able to love and look out for others. the principle of abundance : thr’s so much to love, thr’s so much to look forward to, thr’s so much to help.
i hope its just a phase that i start hating myself! better get over it soon
and yes weili, lets meet up soon! hahha. u are a very funny man. lol. randy too. anw the pics are all with me, haven send u all. ooops!
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January 17th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Hi qian ru~ long time never see you le! “) Seems like i’ve not been logging onto friendster much or else i would have shared my thoughts here earlier.
For me, the ideal gf was like what the ah beng here would say when you asked him about the ideal gf the 2nd time, reduced a bit:’someone lives her life with lots of hope. someone my parents would be happy to see(naturally as i have good taste:p). someone who has good EQ, and has great personality. probably, someone whom i would be happy to chat with, (not necessary to talk alot, though)
STILL, notice the word ‘ideal’ man…i am so over the ‘ideal gf’ stage in this way. so i’ve arrived at your 4th stage at the same time. If you truely love your gf all deviations from the ideal gf will be readily discarded…unless the said sweetheart decides to change to the total and complete opposite of ideal, then i would have an issue “P
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