aunt agony!

finally, today marks the end of the fourth semester. the third semester ended with a BANG (well, computational methods was tough. it was a bang for me! ouch!! my head!!!)

this semester, similarly, it ended with a bang. i was banged by unit ops! ouch! my candy ass!!!

Semester four at a glance

this semester, it was crazily busy. first, it was chingay. i was heavily involved in chingay. training was twice a week and it was really a challenge for me. i didnt do my tutorials with the exception of heat transfer tutorials 1–>3 the rest were copied without understanding. chingay clashed with tech comm and i (tog with my group) handed in an incoherent proposal which scored us a fantastic big B. it was really crazy. of cos, thr was girls home sessions and tuitions.hengs thing was, my student yangyang went for his chinese high version of "GIP", so i was left with 1 student. and, also, i took up driving. gbb is waiting for me! busy semester.

as usual, this sem i didnt do homework which were non-gradeable. go to tutorials with a blank mind. well, this requires courage. to be scorned at for being the lousiest scholar on planet earth. this sem, tech comm was a big challenge. we had to submit a proposal which had a pseudo word limit (the word limit was imposed, but it was conveniently breached by all of us in the class. we didnt want to compromise quality with word limit. that was our error for the fucked up proposal so we just heck and went ahead with producing a good quality report) it fetched us an A. hell yea =D but, presentation was bad. being convinced that i was a good presentor cos efective comm my presentation saved my ass by giving me an A+, getting a B for presentation was a big setback. but i realise something out of that setback. we must really look at who’s doing the evaluation for presentation. try to speak like the person. thr was once i read from a book that people usually think that other ppl who are like them are competent. so, copy their styles (esp if they are very inflexible.) not every ‘TEACHERS’ (i wont call them professors) can tolerate different styles of presentation. just, copy their styles. that is safe. similarly if u come out to work, and have to make a presentation, copy your manager’s style of presentation. u wont go wrong with that. of cos, the content u can ownself modify lar, but the speed, the style, just copy. learn to be a zerox.

this semester,was also exceptionally challenging because of jdc. i believe for my pres, whos also my good fren. its even worse. cos she is ‘The Pres’. so naturally, more responsibilities, more shit work, more endurance of red-tape of a bureacratic organisation like CAC. u shld try being part of a red tape organisation. its one of the shiokest feeling. for 2wks plus, i had to meet diff ppl at different hours to sell tickets, had to account for the money, had to contact the dance pres, had to do hall to hall sales which i only sold 2–3 tickets (combined sales of me, mindy, and yihui) after chu1 mai4ing my se4 xiang4!!!!  hahahha no lar, just kidding. i m holy innocent (i think i jus insulted a sch! oops!). f–k those ppl who rejected us!!! hahahha oops. and, i must really bitch abt this khanzakstan student. he took my number, and said he was interested to go, but in the end, he dint turn up at my ticketing booth and still had the cheek to ask me to go out with him. hell NO. unless he buys 10 tickets from me. another mai pi gu incident. well, hard life man.

ok the above is really all thrash lar. let me talk abt something with depth.

u know, everytime my frens do badly for a paper, they sms me i’ll say ‘hey dun be sad..its just a paper, u can always do well for the next one!its over already so dun think abt it’.. well, that comes out of me, but somehow, its always easier said than done.

when i screw papers up, i will still feel very sians. i’ll doubt myself as an individual, i will feel dumb. i will feel that everyone else must be doing better. do you? however, after thinking abt it, my preivous tots seem very ‘no point’

firstly, what is the whole point of telling urself that i m dumb and then expecting urself to do better in future? i realise human beings dont work this way. the moer u tell urself u are lousy, the worst u become. i realise this recently. i haf been telling myself that qianru isnt good. but who am i to tell myself that i m no good? why do i haf to be the harshest person to myself? i need to find back the old me. in the past, i alw tell myself, ok go to the exam hall, i must really enjoy the paper to make my money worth. and surprisingly i did enjoy most of the papers. the paper i enjoyed the most was my S papers. it was like playing puzzles and seriously, i didnt felt that thr was any stake put in tt. i mean, i dint expect myself to do well or to get a D. the purpose was clear-Dont waste dad’s money. he paid for my papers so i muz go and take them. liews, it cost 100 dollars okay!!!! gst inclusive. the 4 hours for my s papers were truly enjoyable. cos i go inside and just wack. it was stressfree. for the 2 papers, i got Merit. i realise that i enjoyed the paper cos i felt it involved no stakes at all. however in university, the stakes are high. if u screw up one semester, ur cgpa would drop, and it may affect ur class of honours. thats y ppl are so panicky over exams. how i wish i can treat every paper in uni like the 2 s papers i took when i was 18. the more u tell urself, tt u are dumb, the worst u will become. and one day, u will be like the typical adult on the street, stressed, shag, unhappy. the whole purpose of education is not to tell u that u suck. not to tell u that if u cant do triple integration, u are gone. not to tell u that if u cant use kremser equation, u are an ass.

the whole purpose is to let u sharpen ur mind. of cos, the end product of education is just to produce fine individuals. full stop.

the education system can be screwed up but we cant let ourselves be as screwed up as tt. dun let yr grades convince u that they chart your path. dont give in to that shit. dont buy that. if ur boss is going to be so particular about grades, thr is no point working for them also.

of cos, dont get bad grades for nothing. we gotta know what are our weakest links.its always important to know what we die for man! dun get shoot and then just ‘die like that’.

this semester, i didnt do a good job for time management. also, i haf been very harsh on myself, psychoing myself that i suck. that sucked! i wasted so much time psychoing myself that i m lousy that i dint haf enuff time to study and make up for what i haf lost. next semester, no such shit again. i gotta be more driven, and believe in qianru more. my mom gave birth to me not for me to scorn at myself. she’ld be so disappointed if she knows that her daughter looks down on herself. well, if i haf to be laughed at, it mustnt be myself. i gotta start believing already. if not, this is gg to get nowhere. absolutely.

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