aunt agony!

we’re always living day by day, taking for granted that we still have another day to live. its like a ‘duh’ thing to keep talking about things of tomorrow. it is like a ‘duh’ thing tt the person we care about can always live another 10, 20, 30 years. anw, it is a taboo to talk about death so our mind jus keeps on running away from the issue of death.

life is so unpredictable.. you wouldnt know when you’ll be struck with something. imagine urself being hit by a car, or having cancer. try to imagine that. hard to imagine, yes?

i must admit its hard for me to imagine that too cos we’re all too accustomed to thinking that our lives wil go on, and on, until we are tooo old to think, too old to move. until then, probably we would admit ‘we are too old, what can we do now?’

i will buy myself a coffin after i graduate and earned sufficient money. how long do you think a coffin can last? what if i buy it but i do not die within the next 15 years?

i think about my funeral more than any possible wedding. i think about what kind of funeral my parents would hold for me. i think about who would attend my funeral. i hope that during my funeral, my beloved friends, family, schoolmates, teacher, students or even acquaintances would attend it. i hope that they’ld want to see me one last time no matter how busy they are. 

if you were to attend my funeral, would you cry? if you were to speak some last words to the crowd, what would it be? would you feel that some1 important in your life is missing? would you miss my smile or my laughter when i m gone? would you be thr when i lie on the deathbed, shedding my last drop of happy tear to bid the world goodbye?

will i be remembered as a head-strong girl who have underachieved in life and living in self-denial?

would you visit my grave once in every ten years?

there are so many questions that i would like to know the answers to.

of course, i wouldnt know until the day i really die, and my spirit witnesses everything that happens. thinking about that, it makes me want to be the best that i can. to be a compassionate and loyal friend, to be one who’s always happy, proactive, and able to spread joy and hope to everyone around me. to be a good daughter and sister at home. for at the end of my life, i hope that people who attend my funeral are able to speak of positive things about me, to say that qianru has always been a girl who’s helpful, kind, sweet, forever understanding, compassionate and loyal.

please be there for my funeral.

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